Christmas

Dear Luke,

Christmas has been really fun with you this year because you, of course, are more into it than ever before. You love our Christmas tree and your book about "bread men" (gingerbread men). Last night we had a special family night complete with pizza and driving around to see Christmas lights. At dinner I asked you, "Who do we celebrate at Christmas?" I have asked you many times and you usually excitedly say "Christmas tree." But last night you smiled and said, "Jesus." It was so sweet! You LOVED going to see the Christmas lights and would repeat whatever you saw out the window, "Snowman, train, Rudolph, Santa, all the Christmas lights." I imagined you going to bed with visions of Christmas lights in your head. I love you so much and am enjoying getting to celebrate with you this year!

Love,
Mommy

Truck PJ's

Luke, 

I had an emotional day recently that I thought I would share with you. Every night I go through your bedtime routine with you. I don't get to see you for most of the day, so I really treasure this time with you in the evening (though sometimes it's a challenge if you're not feeling well or in a foul mood).  I clean you up after dinner. We go upstairs and you play while I get your bath ready. Then I give you your bath, dry you off, put on your lotion and a clean diaper. Then you play for a few minutes, and we brush your teeth. You have a love/hate relationship with getting your teeth brushed - at the moment it's mostly hate. 

After that, we clean up your toys and put them in the large plastic bin. You love to help me close the lid and latch the purple handles. Then we go to your room and put on your PJ's. For most of the last year your favorite PJ's were your truck PJ's (or as you say, trutt p-days). Almost every night you would request them, and would seem disappointed if they weren't clean. Recently I let you start choosing your own PJ's out of the bottom left drawer in your dresser. When you had finished cleaning up your toys, you would often run to your room and excitedly shout "trutt p-days!" 

Over the last several months I noticed your truck PJ's getting tighter, and there were some holes in the toes from all the wear and tear. A couple weeks ago I went to put them on you and they ripped because you're too big for them now. You looked at me with this confused, concerned look on your face and said "trutt p-days?" I had to take them off and put on another set of pajamas. You were not happy about it. 

I read you a couple books as I always do (Chicka Chicka Boom Boom is a favorite right now), and then we sang Jesus Loves Me, prayed, and you went to bed. 

After you did, I took your truck PJ's to our room, folded them up, and put them in my bedside table drawer. I had decided months earlier that when you outgrew them I wanted to keep them. For me, they represent you as a two year old because you wear them all the time. As soon as I laid them down in my bedside drawer I burst into tears - which took me by complete surprise.  I was overcome with both joy and sadness - joy because I love you so much, and sadness at the realization that you're growing up so quickly. Even as I write this I have a lump in my throat and I feel my eyes starting to tear up. 

The sound of those PJ's ripping was the audible sound of you growing up. There will come a day when you won't need me to put you in your high chair, or give you a bath, or put your PJ's on you, or read you a story. There will be other incredible aspects to being your Dad when you get older, but I am going to really miss being a Dad to you as a toddler. There will come a day when I am much older and I look at that old set of ripped truck PJ's, and I will wish with all my heart that I could go back for just one minute and hold you again at this age - give you one more bath, read you one more story, name the animals in your books with you, see your eyes light up when you turn the page and see an elephant (or as you say, Edephant). 

Son, I love being your Dad. I'm so thankful the Lord in his great grace allowed me and Mommy to be your parents. It's truly staggering to think that He loves you so much more than we do. I can't even imagine that. I look forward to all the other phases that are coming - helping you with schoolwork, playing sports with you (or participating in whatever you're interested in), having talks with you about life. But nothing will ever replace this precious time. I guess I'm just not ready for you to grow up yet. 

I love you,

Daddy